What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
