so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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