i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
