Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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