Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
