After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He passed out mid-signature
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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