you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
