I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
