when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
