I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
