its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
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