i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
