her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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