Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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