just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
How external is "for external use only"?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
