he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
