I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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