He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
NoShamevember. You game?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
