Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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