dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize