After last night, I could never be a politician.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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