I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
