so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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