i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Acid is not a monday night drug
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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