What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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