she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
