We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
