He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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