So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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