they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
