Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
