we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
