At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i believe in u and ur pee
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