I wish they made helmets for livers.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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