1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
