They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Randomize
