I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
