i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
