yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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