You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
