Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize