the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
