I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
