and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
