so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you didnt know i had herpes?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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