Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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