Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
