You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my sisters under your porch take her home
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
