Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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