i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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