We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Terrible idea I love it
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
