Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
