I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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