allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
