I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
