i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize