I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
