batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize