I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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