I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
