she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
