Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
