you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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