Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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