either way he was missing a nipple.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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