i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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