He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
